i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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