This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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