i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
