Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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