last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
