Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
