ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
