I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
