i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
