stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
