I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
