last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
