I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
