hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
