i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
whose parrot is this?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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