Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
