Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize