i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
