What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
