After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize