it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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