you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
