i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
