im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's shark week go big or go home
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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