My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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