i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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