i just snorted my name. best moment ever
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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