Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
