thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
