Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
