Will you blow on my dice?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
