Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
