; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
