I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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