i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
