Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
