help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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