how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
