Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
sex in a hospital.. check
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
