It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
