you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
