i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
