i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This baby is an asshole
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
