I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he was CRYING into my vagina
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
