There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
