I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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