My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize