my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
