she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
