She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
