Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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