If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
