3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
