girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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