perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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