I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
