She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
