You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
