Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
