There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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