i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
