im drinking this country out of the recession.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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