Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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