I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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