Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
