She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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