come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
