where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
