she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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